its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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