he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
