I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wear drunk well.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
