I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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