I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
