I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
