you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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