Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
