I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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