so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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