You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want to have your abortion
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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