i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
