i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
