bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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