I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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