I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
