you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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