last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
