my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
