What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
