Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
