if you like me you must not know who I am
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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