Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
