it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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