so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
