he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
FUCK WHALES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
