He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
