We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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