Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
