2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
