who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Congratulations! We have a period
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
