He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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