I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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