guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
