So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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