maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
