do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
