There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
