I think I won the penis lottery.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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