Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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