I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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