Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
