Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i drank out of a bidet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
