I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
