I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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