just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
