Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
