I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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