every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
