My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
