he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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