wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we're making bets on your personal life
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
