I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
