It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
