The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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