thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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